Too late to apologise
by dramaqueen1917
Summary: What if Bella gave up? What if Bella decided that her life wasn't worth living anymore? What if Jake was too late? What if it was too late to apologise?
1. Chapter 1

I was going to really do it… I was finally going to go and find out why Jake hadn't answered any of my calls – why he'd broken his promise to never leave me. I wanted to talk to Jake one last time… before… I did it. I called Charlie earlier – I told him that I was going to go and visit Renee. Total lie. I wasn't planning on visiting Renee… instead, I was planning on moving out, writing my final goodbyes to the Cullens before I committed suicide. Tomorrow, I would be in the meadow. It would be there that I would give myself up to Victoria. This was it. I had been pondering my life for a while now… and Jake letting me down was the last straw. I now understood why humans weren't meant to know about the supernatural. I can imagine my life being a prime example on keeping a vampire's existence a secret… My entire life suddenly feels like such a joke… 18 years and I will soon be dead. What have I achieved? Nothing.

I guess I put this trip off as long as possible because I didn't want to do it yet. In my mind, I knew that once I did this, there was no turning back. Jake… I missed him. This would be the end. After this, time would go on without me. I know Charlie will be ok. He may mourn my loss… but he'll survive. He has Billy… Unlike me, Charlie wasn't alone. Unlike me, people cared about him because of who he was, not because that they were obligated to like Charlie was to me. My mind was so preoccupied that the trip I'd been terrified of making seemed to take only a few seconds. Before I was expecting it, the forest began to thin, and I knew I would soon be able to see the first little houses of the reservation.

Walking away, along the left side of the road, was a tall boy with a baseball cap.

My breath caught for just a moment in my throat, hopeful that luck was with me for once, and I'd stumbled across Jacob without trying. But this boy was too wide, and the hair was short under the hat. Even from behind, I was sure it was Quil, though he looked bigger than the last time I'd seen him. What was with these Quileute boys? Were they feeding them experimental growth hormones?

I crossed over to the wrong side of the road to stop next to him. He looked up when the roar of my truck approached.

Quil's expression frightened me more than it surprised me. His face was bleak, brooding, his forehead creased with worry.

"Oh, hey, Bella," he greeted me dully.

"Hi, Quil… Are you okay?"

He stared at me morosely. "Fine."

"Can I give you a ride somewhere?" I offered.

"Sure, I guess," he mumbled. He shuffled around the front of the truck and opened the passenger door to climb in.

"Where to?"

"My house is on the north side, back behind the store," he told me.

"Have you seen Jacob today?" The question burst from me almost before he'd finished speaking.

I looked at Quil eagerly, waiting for his answer. He stared out the windshield for a second before he spoke. "From a distance," he finally said.

"A distance?" I echoed.

"I tried to follow them–he was with Embry." His voice was low, hard to hear over the engine. I leaned closer. "I know they saw me. But they turned and just disappeared into the trees. I don't think they were alone–I think Sam and his crew might have been with them.

"I've been stumbling around in the forest for an hour, yelling for them. I just barely found the road again when you drove up."

"So Sam did get to him." The words were a little distorted–my teeth were gritted together.

Quil stared at me. "You know about that.?"

I nodded. "Jake told me… before."

"Before," Quil repeated, and sighed.

"Jacob's just as bad as the others now?"

"Never leaves Sam's side." Quil turned his head and spit out the open window.

"And before that–did he avoid everyone? Was he acting upset?"

His voice was low and rough. "Not for as long as the others. Maybe one day. Then Sam caught up with him."

"What do you think it is? Drugs or something?"

"I can't see Jacob or Embry getting into anything like that… but what do I know? What else

could it be? And why aren't the old people worried?" He shook his head, and the fear showed

in his eyes now. "Jacob didn't want to be a part of this… cult. I don't understand what could

change him." He stared at me, his face frightened. "I don't want to be next."

My eyes mirrored his fear. That was the second time I'd heard it described as a cult. I

shivered. "Are your parents any help?"

He grimaced. "Right. My grandfather's on the council with Jacob's dad. Sam Uley is the best thing that ever happened to this place, as far as he's concerned."

We stared at each other for a prolonged moment. We were in La Push now, and my truck was barely crawling along the empty road. I could see the village's only store not too far ahead.

"I'll get out now," Quil said. "My house is right over there." He gestured toward the small wooden rectangle behind the store. I pulled over to the shoulder, and he jumped out.

"I'm going to go wait for Jacob… I want to talk to him about some… stuff," I told him in a hard voice. I may be planning to die, but I am not an idiot. I know if I even mention that I'm going to Jake's to say goodbye, it will raise too many questions. More than I wish to answer.

"Good luck." He slammed the door and shuffled forward along the road, his head bent forward, his shoulders slumped.

I silently debated whether or not to say anything when suddenly I yelled, "QUIL!"

Quil turned around his eyes silently asking the question that didn't seem to have the will to ask.

"Quil… I'm sorry about your friends abandoning you. I hope that it shall all turn out alright in the end," I said sadly.

"It's okay, Bella. And thanks."

"You're welcome."

Quil's face haunted me as I made a wide U-turn and headed back toward the Blacks'. He was terrified of being next. What was happening here?

I stopped in front of Jacob's house, killing the motor and rolling down the windows. It was stuffy today, no breeze. I put my feet up on the dashboard and settled in to wait.

A movement flashed in my peripheral vision–I turned and spotted Billy looking at me through the front window with a confused expression. I waved once and smiled a tight smile, but stayed where I was.

I was prepared to stay as long as it took, but I wished I had something to do. I dug up a pen out of the bottom of my backpack, and an old school notice. I started to doodle on the back of the scrap.

I'd only had time to scrawl one row of diamonds when there was a sharp tap against my door.

I jumped, looking up, expecting Billy.

"What are you doing here, Bella.'" Jacob growled. He didn't really meet my eyes and I was glad. If I was to say what I wanted to, I'd have to get everything out as quickly as possible because I knew that I was a horrific liar.

Jacob had changed radically in the last weeks since I'd seen him. The first thing I noticed was his hair–his beautiful hair was all gone, cropped quite short, covering his head with an inky gloss like black satin. The planes of his face seemed to have hardened subtly, tightened… aged. His neck and his shoulders were different, too, thicker somehow. His hands, where they gripped the window frame, looked enormous, with the tendons and veins more prominent under the russet skin. But the physical changes were insignificant.

It was his expression that made him almost completely unrecognizable. The open, friendly smile was gone like the hair, the warmth in his dark eyes altered to a brooding resentment that was instantly disturbing. There was a darkness in Jacob now. Like my sun had imploded.

'Don't think about it Bella… He doesn't want to be your friend. Just get everything out of the way. It shall all be over soon,' I thought to myself.

"Jacob?" I whispered.

I realized we weren't alone. Behind him stood four others; all tall and russet-skinned, black hair chopped short just like Jacob's. They could have been brothers–I couldn't even pick Embry out of the group. The resemblance was only intensified by the strikingly similar hostility in every pair of eyes.

Every pair but one. The oldest by several years, Sam stood in the very back, his face serene and sure. I had to swallow back the bile that rose in my throat. I wanted to take a swing at him. No, I wanted to do more than that. More than anything, I wanted to be fierce and deadly, someone no one would dare mess with. Someone who would scare Sam Uley silly. Someone who could stop whatever was going on and bring back Quil's friends. Just because I couldn't have my happy ever after didn't mean that Quil couldn't have his friends.

"What do you want?" Jacob demanded, his expression growing more resentful as he watched the play of emotion across my face. Why was it that even though Jacob looked at me, he didn't seem to really look?

"I want to talk to you," I said in a weak voice. I tried to focus, but I was still reeling against the escape of my taboo dream.

"Go ahead," he hissed through his teeth. His entire expression was pulled into a vicious expression. I'd never seen him look at anyone like that, least of all me. It hurt with a surprising intensity–a physical pain, a stabbing in my head.

"Alone!" I hissed, and my voice was stronger. If I was going to die, I may as well die with my dignity. I didn't want to be the girl that rolled over and did whatever pleased others anymore.

He looked behind him, and I knew where his eyes would go. Every one of them was turned for Sam's reaction.

Sam nodded once, his face unperturbed. He made a brief comment in an unfamiliar, liquid language–I could only be positive that it wasn't French or Spanish, but I guessed that it was Quileute. He turned and walked into Jacob's house. The others, Paul, Jared, and Embry, I assumed, followed him in.

"Okay." Jacob seemed a bit less furious when the others were gone. His face was a little calmer, but also more hopeless. His mouth seemed permanently pulled down at the corners.

I took a deep breath. "You know what I want to know." I sounded defeated, even to me.

He didn't answer. He just stared at me bitterly.

I stared back and the silence stretched on. The pain in his face unnerved me. I felt a lump beginning to build in my throat. All I wanted before I died was to at least know. I didn't want to die wondering why.

"Can we walk?" I asked while I could still speak.

He didn't respond in any way; his face didn't change.

I got out of the car, feeling unseen eyes behind the windows on me, and started walking toward the trees to the north. My feet squished in the damp grass and mud beside the road, and, as that was the only sound, at first I thought he wasn't following me. But when I glanced around, he was right beside me, his feet having somehow found a less noisy path than mine.

I felt better in the fringe of trees, where Sam couldn't possibly be watching. As we walked, I struggled for the right thing to say, but nothing came. I just got more and more angry that Jacob had gotten sucked in… that Billy had allowed this… that Sam was able to stand there so assured and calm…

Jacob suddenly picked up the pace, striding ahead of me easily with his long legs, and then swinging around to face me, planting himself in my path so I would have to stop too.

I was distracted by the overt grace of his movement. Jacob had been nearly as klutzy as me with his never-ending growth spurt. When did that changed?

But Jacob didn't give me time to think about it.

"Let's get this over with," he said in a hard, husky voice.

I waited. He knew what I wanted.

"It's not what you think." His voice was abruptly weary. "It's not what I thought–I was way

off."

"So what is it, then?"

He studied my face for a long moment, speculating. The anger never completely left his eyes.

"I can't tell you," he finally said.

My jaw tightened, and I spoke through my teeth. "I thought we were friends."

"We were." There was a slight emphasis on the past tense.

"But you don't need friends anymore," I said sourly. "You have Sam. Isn't that nice–you've always looked up to him so much."

"I didn't understand him before."

"And now you've seen the light. Yay! Great… Jake abandons his friends and joins Sam. Let me guess – Everyone lives happily ever after, the end. Hallelujah."

"It wasn't like I thought it was. This isn't Sam's fault. He's helping me as much as he can."

His voice turned brittle and he looked over my head, past me, rage burning out from his eyes.

"He's helping you," I repeated dubiously. "Naturally."

But Jacob didn't seem to be listening. He was taking deep, deliberate breaths, trying to calm himself. He was so mad that his hands were shaking.

"Jacob, please," I whispered "Won't you tell me what happened? Maybe I can help."

"No one can help me now." The words were a low moan; his voice broke.

"What did he do to you?" I demanded, tears collecting in my eyes. I reached out to him, as I had once before, stepping forward with my arms wide.

This time he cringed away, holding his hands up defensively. "Don't touch me," he whispered. I felt a pain shoot through my heart making me want to curl up and cry… but I ignored it.

'It'll be over soon' became a mantra in my head. It was the only thing that kept me up.

"Is Sam catching?" I mumbled. The stupid tears had escaped the corners of my eyes. I wiped them away with the back of my hand, and folded my arms across my chest.

"Stop blaming Sam." The words came out fast, like a reflex. His hands reached up to twist around the hair that was no longer there, and then fell limply at his sides.

"Then who should I blame?" I retorted.

He halfway smiled; it was a bleak, twisted thing.

"You don't want to hear that."

"The hell I don't!" I snapped. "I want to know, and I want to know now." I wanted to know so that I didn't die wondering why…

"You asked for it," he growled. He was still looking above my head. "If you want to blame someone, why don't you point your finger at those filthy, reeking bloodsuckers that you love so much?"

My mouth fell open and my breath came out with a whooshing sound. I was frozen in place, stabbed through with his double-edged words. The pain twisted in familiar patterns through my body, the jagged hole ripping me open from the inside out, but it was second place, background music to the chaos of my thoughts. I couldn't believe that I'd heard him correctly. There was no trace of indecision in his face. Only fury.

My mouth still hung wide.

"I told you that you didn't want to hear it," he said.

"I don't understand who you mean," I whispered.

He raised one eyebrow in disbelief. "I think you understand exactly who I mean. You're not going to make me say it, are you? I don't like hurting you."

"I don't understand who you mean," I repeated mechanically.

"The Cullens," he said slowly, drawing out the word, scrutinizing my face as he spoke it. "I saw that–I can see in your eyes what it does to you when I say their name."

I shook my head back and forth in denial, trying to clear it at the same time. How did he know this? And how did it have anything to do with Sam's cult? Was it a gang of vampire-haters? What was the point of forming such a society when no vampires lived in Forks anymore? Why would Jacob start believing the stories about the Cullens now, when the evidence of them was long gone, never to return?

It took me too long to come up with the correct response. "Don't tell me you're listening to Billy's superstitious nonsense now," I said with a feeble attempt at mockery.

"He knows more than I gave him credit for."

"Be serious, Jacob."

He glared at me, his eyes critical.

"Superstitions aside," I said quickly. "I still don't see what you're accusing the... Cullens"–wince–"of. They left more than half a year ago. How can you blame them for what Sam is doing now?"

"Sam isn't doing anything, Bella. And I know they're gone. But sometimes… things are set in motion, and then it's too late."

"What's set in motion? What's too late? What are you blaming them for?"

He was suddenly right in my face, his fury glowing in his eyes. "For existing," he hissed.

I was surprised and distracted as the warning words came in Edward's voice again, when I wasn't even scared.

"Quiet now, Bella. Don't push him," Edward cautioned in my ear.

Ever since Edward's name had broken through the careful walls I'd buried it behind, I'd been unable to lock it up again. It didn't hurt now–not during the precious seconds when I could hear his voice.

Jacob was fuming in front of me, quivering with anger.

I didn't understand why the Edward delusion was unexpectedly in my mind. Jacob was livid,

but he was Jacob. There was no adrenaline, no danger.

"Give him a chance to calm down," Edward's voice insisted.

I shook my head in confusion. "You're being ridiculous," I told them both.

"Fine," Jacob answered, breathing deeply again. "I won't argue it with you. It doesn't matter anyway, the damage is done."

"What damage?"

He didn't flinch as I shouted the words in his face.

"Let's head back. There's nothing more to say."

I gaped. "There's everything more to say! You haven't said anything yet!"

He walked past me, striding back toward the house.

"I ran into Quil today," I yelled after him.

He paused midstep, but didn't turn.

"You remember your friend, Quil? Yeah, he's terrified."

Jacob whirled to face me. His expression was pained. "Quil" was all he said.

"He's worried about you, too. He's freaked out."

Jacob stared past me with desperate eyes.

I goaded him further. "He's frightened that he's next."

Jacob clutched at a tree for support, his face turning a strange shade of green under the red-brown surface. "He won't be next," Jacob muttered to himself. "He can't be. It's over now. This shouldn't still be happening. Why? Why?" His fist slammed against the tree. It wasn't a big tree, slender and only a few feet taller than Jacob. But it still surprised me when the trunk gave way and snapped off loudly under his blows.

Jacob stared at the sharp, broken point with shock that quickly turned to horror.

"I have to get back." He whirled and stalked away so swiftly that I had to jog to keep up.

"Back to Sam!"

"That's one way of looking at it," it sounded like he said. He was mumbling and facing away.

I chased him back to the truck. "Wait!" I called as he turned toward the house.

He spun around to face me, and I saw that his hands were shaking again.

"Go home, Bella. I can't hang out with you anymore."

The silly, inconsequential hurt was incredibly potent. The tears welled up again. "Are you… breaking up with me?" The words were all wrong, but they were the best way I could think to phrase what I was asking. After all, what Jake and I had was more than any schoolyard romance. Stronger.

He barked out a bitter laugh. "Hardly. If that were the case, I'd say 'Let's stay friends.' I can't even say that."

"Jacob… why? Sam won't let you have other friends? Please, Jake. You promised. I need you!" The blank emptiness of my life before–before Jacob brought some semblance of reason back into it–reared up and confronted me. Loneliness choked in my throat. It was true though. Throughout that conversation, I'd realised one thing. I'd decided to talk with Jake one last time because I'd thought that he could change my mind… that he'd be able to convince myself otherwise. I guess I was wrong. At this rate, I think Jake has done nothing more than making my resolve stronger.

"I'm sorry, Bella," Jacob said each word distinctly in a cold voice that didn't seem to belong to him.

I didn't believe that this was really what Jacob wanted to say. It seemed like there was something else trying to be said through his angry eyes, but I couldn't understand the message. It was too late though. Why was it that I was always being abandoned? Was I that horrid?

Maybe this wasn't about Sam at all. Maybe this had nothing to do with the Cullens. Maybe he was just trying to pull himself out of a hopeless situation. Maybe I should let him do that, if that's what was best for him. I should do that. It would be right.

But I heard my voice escaping in a whisper.

"I'm sorry Jake… I'm sorry that I wasn't enough for you. I'm sorry that I was so hopeless. Jake, whoever gets you is one lucky girl." I whispered brokenly. This was it.

"No. Don't think like that, Bella, please. Don't blame yourself, don't think this is your fault. This one is all me. I swear, it's not about you."

"It's not you, it's me," I whispered. "There's a new one." I laughed bitterly. When had I heard that before? Note the sarcasm.

"Fine Bella… If you weren't going to listen, why did you come anyways?" Jacob asked bitterly. "I… I don't want you here anyway."

"Okay Jake. Fine. Do you know why I came? Because you are my friend. I came because I wanted to know why you hadn't called, or answered my calls… or really even bothered to see me. I didn't want to not know… I guess I was wrong. I should have just decided that I didn't want to know. Do you know why I came? Because I love you. I loved you. And I will always love you!" Jake's eyes flicked up to my face and I saw his eyes widen. "Do you know why I came? Because I wanted to give you a chance! I wanted to give you a chance to take it back. I wanted you to tell me that you loved me back. But I was wrong. I now know that no, you don't love me. And do you know what, fine. I'm sorry for whatever trouble I've caused you. I guess it's a good thing I'll be dead by soon. Bye Jake. It was good knowing you."


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm sorry Jake… I'm sorry that I wasn't enough for you. I'm sorry that I was so hopeless. Jake, whoever gets you is one lucky girl." Bella whispered brokenly.

"No. Don't think like that, Bella, please. Don't blame yourself, don't think this is your fault. This one is all me. I swear, it's not about you."

"It's not you, it's me," Bella whispered. "There's a new one." She laughed bitterly.

"Fine Bella… If you weren't going to listen, why did you come anyways?" I asked angrily. Sam's words echoed in my head – 'You don't want to risk injuring her. Do whatever it takes to scare her away.'

"I… I don't want you here anyway."

"Okay Jake. Fine. Do you know why I came? Because you are my friend. I came because I wanted to know why you hadn't called, or answered my calls… or really even bothered to see me. I didn't want to not know… I guess I was wrong. I should have just decided that I didn't want to know. Do you know why I came? Because I love you. I loved you. And I will always love you!" I looked up at Bella in that moment. She looked so sad and broken. Her hands were wrapped around her chest as if she were in pain. Then what she said really clicked and my eyes snapped to Bella's in shock. That's when it happened. Everything that mattered to me became unimportant. Everything dulled in comparison to her. Nothing mattered except for her. In that moment, she became my life. She looked like the sun. She was beautiful. In those few seconds, everything became unimportant. She became more important than my life… because she _was_ my life. In that moment, I knew that I would spend the rest of my life chasing after her if I had to. There were unshed tears in her eyes. The heartbroken look on her face made my wolf howl in pain. In the background, I heard Bella saying, "Do you know why I came? Because I wanted to give you a chance! I wanted to give you a chance to take it back. I wanted you to tell me that you loved me back. But I was wrong. I now know that no, you don't love me. And do you know what, fine. I'm sorry for whatever trouble I've caused you. I guess it's a good thing I'll be dead soon. Bye Jake. It was good knowing you." With that she began to walk away. I was left there staring into space until her words filled my head.

'It's a good thing I'll be dead soon.' She'd said it with so much certainty and suddenly I was scared. I had never been so scared in my entire life. My entire life was dangling before me like an unstable stack of blocks. One wrong move and it would all come tumbling down. With that thought, I began to chase after her. I ran faster than I had ever bothered to try. The trees and everything around me blurred as I ran towards Bella's scent knowing that if I came too late, Bella, my imprint, could be dead. Nothing else mattered then. All that mattered was me getting there on time to stop it.

I tracked Bella's scent to outside a meadow. I ran towards it quickly and found myself phasing into my wolf without a conscious thought. All that mattered was me getting on time. I stepped into that meadow and saw one of the scariest sights in my life.

My Bella was lying there. Her eyes were screwed shut as if in fear. She looked bruised and battered but I could still hear her heartbeat. But it was too soft. Each breath she took seemed too hesitant… too pained. Standing above her was a leech. It was the red-haired leech that the pack had spent months chasing after.

'Where are you?' Sam's voice rang through my head.

'Meadow… come quick. It's the leech.' I thought back.

'Stay back and wait for us!' Sam alpha ordered me. His order had me growling internally as I felt the alpha order stir something within me.

The red-headed leech had an insane look in her eye and then I noticed the knife she was holding in her hand. It was obvious that she did not notice me. Her eyes were focused on my Bella… my imprint. For a moment I was confused… why would a leech need a knife? But then she began to talk… and talk she did.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," The leech clucked condescendingly. "This wasn't a part of the deal."

Bella's eyes flew open in an instant. They were bloodstained and it was obvious that she had been crying. "Please…" She rasped, "Don't hurt… them."

"I don't think that you're in a position to bargain with me dearie. Maybe I'll go visit your lovely father… maybe you can even watch!" Victoria cackled gleefully, "Or maybe I'll go see your doggie friends down in La Push. They seem like good company." Bella's eyes widened in shock. I guess that the cat was out of the bag… or rather, the wolf was out if the bag.

"Don't hurt them… Kill me… i-instead."

"Oh no dearie… You see, you and I are getting along sooo well. Why don't you stay for a little longer? First we might start with some of those cute toes of yours and then we'll end with that mouth of yours. But rest assured sweetie, you and I are going to be the best of friends. We're going to discuss many things… and when we're done, then you can have what you want."

I'd heard enough. I didn't want to sit back and watch the leech torture my imprint. I jumped out of the shelter of the forest and launched myself onto the leech before she even realised what was going on. My wolf howled happily as it removed the threat from our imprint. And so the dance began. Every step she took, I matched. Every hit she threw, I blocked and every hit I launched her way, she managed to return. It wasn't long before the rest of the pack caught up and together we managed to kill the leech. I pulled the leech's head off of her body before I passed it to Sam to burn along with the rest of her body. Then I went into the bushes and unphased. When I exited the cover of the forest, Leah was kneeling beside Bella in her human form. Her eyes were wide open and her breaths came out as short, shuddering gasps. Leah flipped my Bella over gently and then I noticed it - the knife which the leech had somehow manage to implant into my Bella. What I found surprising was the fact that Bella didn't seem to care. It was obvious that Bella was in pain, but she made no move to even attempt to pull out the knife. Her eyes turned to me as she looked deep within my eyes. I wanted to cry. Despite everything, she was still going to die.

"J-Jake," Bella whispered, her eyes filled with tears as she looked up at me.

"Bella… I'm so sorry. You're going to be okay. We'll get you to the hospital and-" I was interrupted by Bella's bitter laugh.

"D-Don't bother. I don't… want to live. Not anymore." Bella whispered. Leah was trying her best to stop the wound as she pressed a cloth to the wound. Bella looked so defeated in that moment… so resigned. I had never seen Bella this way. I had never seen her look so sad. I'd never seen the light fade out of her eyes like this. The beautiful spark of life that always seemed to accompany her was missing as she stared at me sadly.

"But Bella… please. I'm sorry." I whispered. I grasped her cold, pale hand in my warm one as I begged her with my eyes to keep holding on.

"It's too late. I… love you… Jake. Even if…" Bella's fingers tightened weakly against my own hand, "Even if you don't."

"Bella… please… Keep holding on. You're going to be ok… Bella, please. Don't leave me." I sobbed. Bella weak hand reached up to me as she stroked my cheek before she wiped the tears away.

"Tell Charlie I love him… and… that… I'm sorry. And Jake… whoever gets you will be lucky. I-I'm…" Bella's back arched as she screamed in pain. Tears were streaming down both of our faces. Mine were out of despair and resignation whilst her tears were out of pity and pain mixed together. "I-I'm sorry… I wasn't enough…. For you." With that, Bella's eyes rolled into the back of her head. Her grip loosened before it slipped out of my hand… As easily as Bella had slipped past me – like sand slipping through my fingers.


	3. Chapter 3

After Bella… died, Sam made the decision to take her back to La Push. Sam believed that she deserved to die in dignity for everything she had done for those around her as well as the fact that she was the rightful alpha's imprint. But I didn't care anymore. I didn't want to be the rightful alpha. I didn't want to be a shapeshifter – forever stuck at the age of 21. I didn't want to be the next chief in line. In that moment, all I wanted was my Bella, my imprint, my world. I would have happily have exchanged anything just for the sake of having my Bella again. But I knew that she had died and that she wasn't going to return to me until I joined her in whatever awaited me after death.

It was pouring when we finally arrived at my house. Sam was holding onto my Bella's limp body because I couldn't stand to look at her dead body, let alone break the news to anyone else that Bella had died. I wanted to reverse time – to bring myself back to that moment when Bella had arrived at my place. I wanted to have my Bella again, to be able to hold her in my arms and tell her that I love her. I wanted to be able to take everything I said to her back. I wanted to make myself see that she was my imprint and I wanted to be able to stop her from leaving me.

"What's wrong, son?" Billy asked. There must have been something on my face that told him that something was wrong. For me, it was more like my entire world had just exploded… there was no more sun or colour. Instead, there was just me without my Bella. He was sitting in his wheelchair, looking up at me in sleepy confusion. That was before he caught sight of Bella.

"Oh, son, I'm so sorry for you." Billy said sadly, "I'll go tell Charlie."

Didn't he understand? Didn't he understand that my world had just ended? That there was nothing left for me anymore? Didn't he understand that all I wanted now was to join my Bella in whatever lay for us after death? When Bella had died, it was like time had stopped. My heart hurt and I wanted to wake up from this nightmare. I wanted to pretend that there was nothing wrong and that I would eventually wake up from this horrible nightmare to find my Bella sleeping beside me. Was that too much to ask for?

"Billy…" Sam said remorsefully, "We killed the leech-"

"Congratulations! We must celebrate!" Billy exclaimed joyously.

"But Bella died in the crossfire. Billy… Bella tried to save us all. Billy… Jake, he-he imprinted on her before she died."

Died. Before she died. I didn't want her to be dead. Why did the world have to keep waving the fact that his Bella had died in front of his face? Wasn't it enough that he felt bad enough? Wasn't it bad enough that he wanted to die? Why did life insist on waving Bella's death in front of my face? Was it because I failed to protect her? Was this life's way of saying that it was Jake's fault and that I should have protected my imprint better? With that last question, my fist collided with the nearby wall before a dark blanket covered my eyes as I welcomed the numbness that followed.

The world seemed to mourn Bella's death. Or at least Forks and La Push seemed to. There was a very melancholy mood amongst nearly all of the residents. There had only been so much that the wolves had been able to cover up. The official cause for Bella's death was suicide. The town was shocked to discover that Bella – sweet, easy going Bella had killed herself. Bella's funeral was held and many well-wishers and turned up. Many had cried for Bella and many mourned her loss. Out of everyone, Charlie and Jake took Bella's death the worse. He'd sobbed with despair when Billy had told him the news and he'd spent most of the days leading up to his daughter's funeral just sobbing. He hadn't even been able to say something about Bella at her funeral because he'd spent the entire time just crying which seemed to make everyone else cry harder.

Jake, however, hadn't even wanted to attend the funeral. He'd spent the days before it sitting in his room staring into nothing as he tried to deceive his mind into thinking that his Bella was just sleeping. Jake didn't talk to anyone. He just cried and lied there. Billy was getting concerned, in fact, all of the pack were. Jake was a broken man and they feared that Jake would soon follow his lost love into death.

And they were right.

"Embry, Quil, have you seen Jacob?" Sam asked at the pack meeting. Jake had been due to arrive ten minutes ago and yet there had been no sign of him. Sam had called Billy and according to him, Jacob had left 20 minutes ago. The drive from Billy's to Sam's only took about 10 minutes.

"Not since this morning. Dude, do you think that…"

"Maybe. Embry, Jarad, Quil, go search for Jacob please, we don't want him doing something stupid."

"Sure thing," Quil said as he did a fake salute before running towards the forest to phase.

After following Jake's scent, they found themselves in the meadow where Bella had died. The first thing they noticed was Jake's body… and then they heard Jake's heartbeat, or rather the lack of Jake's heartbeat.

"Quil, go get Sam!" Jarad yelled through the pack mind as he knelt beside Jake's body.

"Jake…" Embry yelled. He had run into the forest to phase into his human form and he'd returned wearing some cut offs.

When he got there, Embry noticed that Jake was clutching a piece of paper. He opened it to find that it said:

_I'm sorry. It hurts too much. I can't live without my Bells. I'm so sorry._

And for the second time that year, the world mourned.

"Jacob Ephraim Black. Friend, Brother, Son, and rightful alpha. May he rest in peace with his eternal love – Isabella Marie Swan." Sam whispered. Much like Bella's funeral, many people had arrived to say their goodbyes and much like Bella's funeral, many had cried and mourned.

"Jacob Black was my son," Billy's voice cracked as he tried to finish his speech to his son that he had lost in death. "He was a friend to many and a brother to my daughters, Rachael and Rebecca. He would have…" Billy broke down there. He couldn't go any further into his speech. His only reassurance was that his son was with his Bella.

"He would have… died for everyone he cared about. A-and in the end, he died for his love, Isabella Swan. I know that they w-would have wanted us to remember them for who they were and not for what they could have done. A-and even in death…" Billy cried. The rest of his speech could not be heard as it was hidden by a bundle of indecipherable sobs, but what Billy had meant to say was clear.

_Even in death, they shall be remembered, and they shall always be watching over us, protecting over us… because they have never left us, they shall always be with us._

THE END.


End file.
